One
of the most common issues in relationships is that our relationships
stagnate real fast, and many of us do not know the reason why.
And there are many complaints from girls and ladies, that their boyfriend or husband are real passionate for the first few months into the relationship, and then they cool off, leaving the girls thinking that guys tend to take girls for granted.
Of course, some girls can be
guilty to guys in this situation too. However it seems that there are
more culprits amongst guys.
Today, I want to share how you can
deal with these situations, and will help in improving your relationships
starting now!
Let us be honest
with some common issues we face in relationships.
Girls sometimes complain that guys
are not taking initiatives to maintain their love relationship.
They feel that guys are not
spending enough time with them, or doing for them some stuff that makes them
feel appreciate.
Guys sometimes complain that girls
always spend too much with their friends, or in their activities as well.
However I will like to let everyone
know some facts before we actually deal with how to solve this issue of a
stagnating relationship due to negligence.
Fact #1: Guys are inconsistent with their
emotions and feelings.
We often say that girls are
inconsistent with their emotions because their hormones change during the time
of the month.
However, the real issue of guys
isn’t monthly; its just that all guys are hot over a new thing and then grow
cold gradually thereafter.
Ever seen a guy who bought a new
handphone, and then he cleans his screen diligently daily with a cloth? After a
few months, he doesn’t bother that much anymore, unlike the first time he
bought it.
It happens to cars, any gadgets,
and unfortunately their love ones.
I remember years ago when I first
got into a love relationship; I would travel daily just to send my girlfriend
home from work, even though I had other important responsibilities to fulfill.
I eventually got burned out in the
relationship and begin doing stupid things.
Girls and ladies, when you see your
boyfriend or husband seemingly on fire because it is the first few months into
your new relationship, please realize that it may not be what you think it is.
Our feelings are immensely
infatuated, and we ourselves believe that we are so in love, it almost doesn’t
matter whether if the world ends tomorrow. Our own feelings do deceive us.
So if you understand this, you will
not be feeding your boyfriend with more emotions and feelings to make him
bloated and dizzy.
During these first few months in a
new relationship, he may be demanding more time together with you, do crazy
things just to impress you or whatsoever.
However, try not to encourage it
too much, and let him learn the test of life as a relationship tends to be more
of a journey than a destination.
I know this is hard as girls and
ladies are impressed by the deeds of their boyfriend or husband in this period
of time, but if you are disappointed thereafter after just a few months of
relationship, understand
that the guy’s emotional tank just ran out and he is not exactly trying to be
fickle.
Anyway to guys, if your girlfriend
or wife seems to fit this description, understand that this is just some innate
human weakness that the majority of us tend to have.
Fact #2: Many girls tend to believe that guys
should always be the one to initiate the welfare of a relationship.
Some girls tend to think that guys
should be the one initiating the welfare of the relationship, by giving gifts,
flowers or initiate to spend time with them.
And if guys do not seem to live up
to their expectations, they get disappointed.
If you truly understand the above
Fact #1, that we are all human and have weaknesses, such demands do not help
the relationship at all, but rather damages it even faster.
We must all understand that this is
a relationship, that girls can’t be always at the receiving end to every good
thing, while guys are supposed to be producing the results only.
Guys are fragile beings too. We
feel disappointed, upset, angry, lonely and more; that’s why we also want a
companion on our side to tide through difficult times.
Girls likewise desire a partner for
exactly similar reasons as well.
So when you expect a guy to always
have to give it his all, and if you are contributing little, then your
relationship is not bound to last.
I understand why girls sometimes
think this way. In the first place a guy spends all his effort trying to
capture your heart, and then impresses you through and through.
It tempts you to think that this is
what a relationship is, because this guy tries so hard in the first place.
However, then the guy is burnout in
his feelings, and if the girl demands more from the guy to make the
relationship stable, healthy and exciting, that will cause more problems than
ever.
My advice? Be perceptive to the
guy’s feelings and needs too, and solve your issues together.
Give to your boyfriend freely, and
do not try too hard to making him reciprocate back your love.
When he finally realize your love,
he will automatically reciprocate back to you. I know because I experienced it
first hand before.
And by this I hope both of you will
grow old together in love.
Relationship advice and Dating tips:
Cultivating your boyfriend or girlfriend’s presence
Understanding the above facts, now
I want to share about how you can improve your relationships by cultivating
your bofyriend or girlfriend’s presence.
And if you are married, it applies
to you as well.
When people are demanding more from
their partners in a relationship, they are not after your gifts, your sweet
words or even time.
What they really want is to truly
experience love and appreciation from you.
However, we often misinterpret
these demands, and think that our partners are being unreasonable with the
demand of gifts, sweet words or even time.
Let me say these first, you do not need to buy your partner a
gift every other day, nor do you have to spend many days just to satisfy your
partner, and nor
do you have to bombard her with messages of love everytime.
That’s because if your partner feel
that you are not doing it out of love and appreciation, all these things that
you do will miss the mark and make them feel even more upset.
If you can help your partner
receive this love and appreciation, you will realize every demand made will
cease.
How then do you help them achieve
love and appreciation? By cultivating their presence consistently.
There aren’t exactly formulas or
steps for you to follow to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. That’s
simply because humans aren’t robots, and they don’t exactly respond plainly to
formulas.
Instead these are just some
principles that you can take note of:
1. If you are with your friends
together with your partner, don’t just keep on entertaining your friends.
Even if you have to make eye
contact with your partner, let your partner know that you appreciate his or her
presence in the midst of your interaction.
2. When you are spending time with
your friends outside without your partner, send short messages through your
handphone to update him or her about your whereabouts.
That’s to let your partner know
that you are appreciating him or her presence, and that you value your love
relationship.
3. You do not have to wait for an
occasion to buy a gift for your partner.
Let’s say you came across something
really nice while you are out doing business or something, feel free to buy it
for your partner if it is within your budget or means.
4. Always thank your partner
properly for every good thing that he or she did for you.
Let us not take their efforts for
granted, for we thank our friends well enough, but not with the ones whom we
truly love as we think it is normal for them to do so.
5. If you have not been in contact
with your partner, don’t wait for them to contact you; initiate the call or the
message.
At the end of the day, the most
important thing that your partner desires is for you to remember them and
appreciate their presence well.
What if I am burned out in my feelings, and
my partner is demanding more?
My first recommendation is
for both of you to talk things through.
Let your partner know that it takes
two hands to clap; not a single person is supposed to lift the relationship by
himself or herself.
Otherwise why bother to be in a
relationship? Nuns and monks are happy by themselves.
Sometimes, I realize that your
partner may be expecting you to give to her a dose of appreciation or love,
maybe in the form of sweet words, gifts or time, in order for him or her to have the
strength to reciprocate their love and appreciation for you.
This happens, and if you are up to
it, do something about it. If not, talk things through with your partner.
The second recommendation for
the both of you is to pace yourselves, instead of forcing yourselves to make
the relationship work.
By pacing yourselves in
contributing to the relationship, it will work better than to forcibly do
something about it.
What do I mean? If you both are
feeling burnt out in the relationship, it is not necessary to keep meeting up
and spending time with each other in order to get back the feelings you both
once shared.
Give both yourselves some space and
time to relax your emotions abit, for both of you to fulfill your
responsibilities at home and at work, and when you are fresh again, then seek
to cultivate each other’s presence once more.
That will certainly help instead of
pushing both yourselves to a satisfying love relationship.
Final words for this post
My desire for everyone is for them
to come to this blog, and find great tips or solutions for their love life.
And I hope by taking what I have
written into account, do see how you can position yourself to further improve
in your love relationships.
Let me know and share your input in
the comments below.
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