A reader named “B Berry” is wondering what this guy is after? Is he giving her a contradiction in his behavior? Or is it all about getting the sex? What’s this guy after? I’m not sure she’s looking at the right clues. Let’s get her story:
gotta say your advice rocks.if a sense of humor is gold you`re rich.
Yes, if humor was gold, I’d be relaxing on a tropical island. I often have fantasies that things that are not gold ARE gold. But they’re not. Only gold is gold. I read that on wikipedia.
anyway,need a spin on a tale with a a twist.
Hey, B Berry, I’m not a gymnast here, ok? But yes, I’ll do what I can.
met a 46 year old a month ago.we`ve had two dates exactly the same. he`s asked me out to the movies.we go. in the movie he`s touching me every 5 or 10 minutes if i dont initiate contact. a finger grazing my cheek, holding my hand,rubbing my neck,etc.then after the movie we`ve sat in the parking lot kissing for 2 hours.(first base stuff only folks).
(MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Congratulations on the successful use of the “base system” in describing contact with a man in his 40s!)
after things heat up he is asking to go back to one of our places. i`ve put him off.
Ahhh, yes. He’s swinging for the fences, looking to hit the proverbial “homer,” but grounding out at 1st. (Did that baseball metaphor work? I’m more of a basketball guy.)
when he asked why i was with him,i just say i`m comfortable with him.(which is weird since i dont know him well.)but what a spark!)being new to the scene,i`m still thinking this is contradictory behaviour??
Eh? Where’s the contradiction?
do i think he likes me cause he`s affectionate or doesn’t cause of lack of time with him?
Oh, oh, ok, I get it. No. This is NOT a contradiction. His being “affectionate” at this point could just as easily be him “attempting to set up to steal second base.”
and last,is it bad of me to say i don’t want to have sex unless i know i could get it again? he`s really kicked my sex drive into overdrive.what do you think?what is he thinking? help! huh?
Dear B Berry,
Well, first question first — what’s this guy after? Right now, all he’s really showing you is that he’s interested in sex. Doesn’t PROVE that that’s all he’s interested in. All it proves is that you have no proof of anything. What he’s doing isn’t a contradiction in terms at all. Here’s how I know? Go House M.D. on the situation:
IS IT POSSIBLE?
Is it in any way possible for a reasonable person to see what he’s doing with you and see a man who doesn’t like you, but DOES want to get into your pants?
YES.
Is it possible for that same reasonable person to see all of what you’re doing, and see a man who likes you?
SURE.
Now, forget for a moment that reasonable people shouldn’t be watching your every dating move with this guy. It’s not polite. The point is, you DO NOT KNOW.
IS IT BAD TO SAY NO SEX UNLESS IT’S A REPEAT CUSTOMER?
Nope. Not even close. It’s fine. Only trouble is, at this point you really CAN’T know he’s coming back.
If you really want to know that this guy likes you, you’re going to have to spend more time with him. And not just “face stroking movie time.” And not just “first base in the car” time. If you want to know if he likes you, you’re going to have to spend, “not making out time” together. If he likes spending that kind of time with you, that’s when you know he likes you. Right now, all you know is that he’s attempting to hit a grand slam homer in your pantaloons. And yes, he IS doing that. More? You need to do more recon first.
What do you think, ladies? What’s B Berry’s best bet to find out what’s going on?
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