One Classic Mixed Signals Special, Comin’ Up





LeAnn is getting mixed signals from her man. Or IS she? It’s hard to say for sure what’s going on, but I don’t really think that the signals are nearly as mixed as she thinks. Honestly, they rarely are. Here’s the scoop.
Hello!I’m seeing a guy who is sending  mixed signals and playing hot-and-cold, etc…I’m 28, he’s 24. He claims he doesn’t want to consider a relationship because he might be moving soon and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt.  We basically agreed to stop spending time together because we like eachother too much for no-strings sex.  Within days, he was calling me and we were sleeping together again.  I need some help deciphering his mixed-up messages!
Dear LeAnn,
Oh, LeAnn, LeAnn, LeAnn. This right here is one of the oldest tricks in the book.  This is one of the big ones. This is a two step process designed to get into your pants, but NOT into a relationship. I’m not even saying that he’s aware that’s what he’s doing. But that’s usually how this thing plays out.
It goes like this:
STEP ONE: We shouldn’t just have no-string sex cuz…
  • …I just got out of a relationship.
  • …I’m moving to Zanzibar.
  • …I like you too much to do that.
  • …I’m freaked out by commitment.
  • …Don’t want anybody to get hurt.
  • …Don’t want to mess with our friendship.
  • …I’m a bad boyfriend.
Basically, this is any reason that he can give NOT to have sex, because that’s all it would be — no-strings sex. And you two don’t want THAT, do you? But just like when you say, “No, no, I REALLY shouldn’t have another piece of pie,” the next move is, predictably…
STEP TWO: No Strings Sex
Wait, whaaaa?
Yeah, I know, it doesn’t seem to make sense, right? Seems like a mixed signal? Well, it’s only mixed if you believe that both signals are true. The real truth is that the first signal is just talking. He might have an idea in his brain that whatever excuse he gave makes sense. But see, the body doesn’t always take orders from the brain.
But here’s the real question:
DOES HE KNOW HE’S DOING THIS?
That’s not 1000% clear to me right now. I mean, it’s one of these two, right?
  1. HE DOESN’T KNOW: He tried to cut off the relationship because he THOUGHT it was a bad idea, but his body just wouldn’t allow it. You’re hot, you’re willing, he’s horny…done deal. Or hell, maybe his HEART wouldn’t allow it. That’s happened before. I’ve done that, where you “decide” not to have a relationship, but only in your logical brain. We all know how logical love and sex are, right?
  2. HE KNOWS: This is when a guy decides to give himself a “get out of nooky jail free” card. Oh, he might not actually have it printed up and laminated, but there’s a card. This way, he gets you into bed after already giving you the disclaimer. So later, when you’re pissed off, he can say, “Hey, I TOLD you that I didn’t want a relationship. You could have said no. I thought you understood.” This guy might even seem to get mad at YOU for jerking HIM around. (See: Anger Smokescreen.)
If it’s #2, well, you’re with a jerk. Sorry about that. If it’s #1, you’ve got to check out his behavior. Is he now treating you the way you want to be treated? Or is it only about no-strings sex? Forget what he’s telling you. Just look at how he acts. Is this an “in public” relationship, or is it more of an, “after hours, in the dark, when he’s feeling randy” relationship?
Good luck, LeAnn. Just remember — this isn’t a mixed signal. Watch his behavior, and it’s all one signal, the whole way.
What do you say, me ladies? This guy jerking her around? Jerking himself around? What should she do?

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