“it’s likely because his interest wasn’t as much in YOU as it was in what being with you would mean for him NOW, NOW, NOW.”
Love these lines, Jeff !
Sometimes when someone gets lonely, ( men or women) that’s when they keep thinking of ex-es, and when they know the ex is okay with taking it further(slowly or craaazy speeds, whateva it is)… they can really think, ‘coz their focus isnt on how to overcome this loneliness and on doing what’s right !
thats when they just remember why in the first place, they broke up and think — Gawdd, what have I done ? and close contacts, may be they cant save face any other way, if they initiated the idea first !
Doesnt it sound a very stupid dating mistake to do ? I think you’re at the better end of the line than him, TEM !
If any ex emails or calls, I just dont sound to be happy about it and tell them I’m ‘busy’, usually there wont be a second call, if there is …I’d remind them, it’s over !
Getting back with ex-es (who ever breaks it is irrelevant) never works, except in fairy tales or 1 in a million cases, so fight the odds !
Also when I get an urge to call or email an ex, I just grab a book, or watch a movie, so I dont confuse myself or anyone !
Well, I had a bf who wanted me to come live with him 4 yrs. after we broke up. I was living in another state at the time, and we spent 3 mos. in phone/email contact getting closer and I agreed to give it a try. Three days before I was to leave to be with him, he sends me an email calling it off. Never heard from him again. So…it wasn’t exactly your situation TEM, but it was similar.
I wrote Jeff about this and he manslated it to me in essence, that my ex had been fantasizing about what getting back together would be like, but when it came to me actually BEING THERE, fantasy smashed into the wall of reality for him. And the reality of being back together wasn’t as good as the fantasy. More to it, it’s in the archives here someplace Dec. ’07 or Jan. ’08 I think.
I suspect this is more or less what happened with your ex. He pops back in your life, entertains the fantasy of getting back together, when you agree to try but want to take things slow, he’s faced with the reality of just what getting back together with you would actually involve. Yikes! Smashed right into that wall.
I know you’re probably disappointed (I sure was) but you also probably know you dodged a bullet. Better he backed out before you became really attached to him again, rather than later – breaking your heart.
They say ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Sometimes we need reminding of that.
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