Well, this is interesting. We’ve got a request from someone named “Lorelei” who should in NO way be confused with all-star manslatee, Loiralei. The issue? A guy who doesn’t want a long distance relationship. Oh, except for the part where he keeps acting like he DOES. Weird, right? Let’s find out what’s going on.
Lorelei writes:
Girl meets boy. They date for 4 blissful months. Girl goes off to grad school, and boy says he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship. Girl and boy try to be friends. Boy visits girl 2 months later, they have a great visit, and (as he’s about to drive off into the sunset) he tells her he loves (loved?) her. (of course, he never said this while they were dating) Boy doesn’t call. For a month. And the girl is tired of initiating, so she doesn’t call either.A month after the visit, boy and girl go to a concert together (they bought tix while still dating). They have fun, talk, flirt, and at the end of the evening, the boy moves in for a kiss. Girl knows this is a bad idea (she still has feelings), so she pulls away.What the &*%! is this guy doing? He loves me? He loves me not? Or does he just want to hook up? Do I confront him about my feelings and inquire as to his? Or do I pack up what self-respect I have left and move on? After all, I deserve a guy who will go to the ends of the earth for me (or at least someone who wants to try a long-distance relationship)!Please help, o wise manslator!
Dear Lorelei (not to be confused with Loiralei),
You know what? I think this is as good a time as any to bring back the Golden Rule of manslating male behavior. (MANSLATOR’S NOTE: I’d make sure you ONLY attempt to manslate male behavior. Otherwise, you know, you’re wasting your time. Then again, who am I to tell you what to do. If you want to manslate your garage door opener, knock yourself out.)
THE MANSLATIONS GOLDEN RULE
Whenever there’s any conflict between what a man SAYS and what he DOES, ALWAYS, ALWAYS IGNORE WHAT HE SAYS.
So, how does that help us here? Well, he SAID (hint: pay no attention to this part) that he didn’t want a long distance relationship. Makes sense and all, but then what does he DO?
- Lets you go without a fight for a couple of months
- Visits you and has a great time
- Does not call for a month
- Goes to the concert with you, attempts to get physical
Ok, so let’s assume that we can’t rely upon whatever it was that he says. It’s a fair assumption, since guys often barely know what WE are talking about. (Truth be told, some men aren’t very good listeners even when it’s THEM talking.)
But if you look at those actions, what does it suggest to you?
OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that he’s hoping to keep you on the line for sex. It does seem like the 2 of you enjoy spending time together.
However, it DOES seem like he’s very content to see you when he sees you. HOWEVER however, (hey, sometimes you need to counteract a however with another one) he doesn’t seem to be trying to pull you into a whirlwind of romance during the times you spend together, either. If he were doing that, I’d think he was trying to keep you in love with HIM.
No, it doesn’t seem like he’s putting too much into maintaining this thing. Sounds to me like he really liked dating you, but for whatever reason, he’s not willing to put in the effort to keep it going. He’s happy to see you when he sees you.
SO…WHY WOULD THIS BE ENOUGH FOR HIM?
I’m not sure what, exactly, is going on with him. But if I had to guess (and I don’t HAVE to, ok? You’re not the boss of me.) I’d say that this guy is sort of taking it for granted that you’re going to be with him when you’re together. He does seem to like spending time with you.
But if he likes (loves?) you, why is this enough? I don’t know. Maybe he just wants the freedom to do whatever (and whomever) comes up? Maybe 4 months wasn’t enough in his mind to risk all the long-distance effort? He could be a little stuck on you because your only reason for breaking up was the grad school thing?
WHAT TO DO?
What do you WANT to do? After he told you he loved you, he didn’t call you for a month. But neither did you, right? So…what’s going on there? Do you love HIM? Do YOU want a long-distance relationship? Why are YOU able to go for such long periods of time with no contact?
Good luck, Loralei (just had to stop myself from typing “Loiralei” out of habit!) Seems like if you want more, you’re going to have to decide not to accept less. But just know — if you give him an, “It’s my way or the highway,” there’s nothing stopping him from choosing the highway.
What do you think, ladies? What’s this guy’s deal? And what’s up with 2 manslatees almost named the same thing?
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