Strange and potentially unmanslatable one from Susan, who was invited over to dinner with her flirt-mate, only to be introduced to…Monica. Thump (that’s the sound of Susan’s jaw hitting the floor. Or the bag filled with birth control she was lugging over there. Whichever, it was pretty surprising.) So what the hump is going on around here? Let’s see if we can’t get some clues as to what Mr. TwoGirls was thinking…
Dear Jeff,
I am so glad I found your site!! I had a quick question as I am in need of a MANSLATION! I’ll try to make it quick:
I met this great guy through work and due to the nature of the business, we work together on a specific project once a year, which means I see him about once a year.
Say no more. You had me at “nature of the business.” I understand it. You both have the smuggler’s blues, and were looking for some companionship. (If anyone is old enough to know what song I’m talking about, seriously, aren’t you a little impressed with yourself and me for the fact that we know how to work these computerators?)
From the moment we met, we really hit it off. So much so that people around us assumed we were a couple. Yeah, there was heavy flirting energy tossed between the two of us! Through our interactions and through communications while away (email, cards) I got the impression that he really liked me.
Ok, all sounds peachy…feeling nervous…manslator senses tingling…
This past year, he invited me to dinner at his place. When I arrived, he introduced me to a young woman, with whom he shared a house. He did not introduce her as anything (sister, girlfriend fiance,wife) just a simple Susan this is Monica and Monica this is Susan, the woman I told you about from the Big Blue Transportation Company.
Well…that’s…strange? Or is it? I’m not so sure. (MANSLATOR’S NOTE: I think the “Big Blue Transportation Company” is my current favorite thing any requestor has made up to mask their true identity.)
In all my communications with him, he had never once mentioned he had a girlfriend and I found it curious that he flirted like crazy, invited me to dinner without telling me someone else would be there AND then proceed to not introduce her as anything specific.
I am assuming that this is his girlfriend. Any ideas as to why he never mentioned her before and why he didn’t introduce her as anything in particular?
Thanks!
Dear Susan,
Here’s what I see. Honestly, I’m not sure why you’re jumping to the assumption that she’s a girlfriend? Honestly, that doesn’t really fit with anything else you said. What man invites a woman over to have dinner with he and his girlfriend? Especially one with whom he’s been flirting. The only way a man would do that would be if:
a.) He was testing the waters to see if you’d be into a threesome — given that this wasn’t California in 1976, I’d shy away from making that my very first guess.
b.) He was never really flirting with you — This happens sometimes. One person’s being friendly, the other makes assumptions.
c.) He was totally kidding himself — I’ve known dudes who have done this. They like a girl who is not their girlfriend, and they introduce the two of them in an attempt to convince everyone on the earth that he does NOT like her. “What, is everybody crazy? Look! I’m introducing her to my girlfriend! If I liked her, I certainly wouldn’t do THAT!” Well….you might, rabbit, you might.
b.) He was never really flirting with you — This happens sometimes. One person’s being friendly, the other makes assumptions.
c.) He was totally kidding himself — I’ve known dudes who have done this. They like a girl who is not their girlfriend, and they introduce the two of them in an attempt to convince everyone on the earth that he does NOT like her. “What, is everybody crazy? Look! I’m introducing her to my girlfriend! If I liked her, I certainly wouldn’t do THAT!” Well….you might, rabbit, you might.
OR
MAYBE SHE WAS JUST HIS ROOMIE
Look, there’s an old saying that I can’t quite remember. It’s something about when you “assume.” Oh, this is going to keep me up all night trying to remember. Hm. Well, gosh, I’m sure it wasn’t an optimistic saying, let’s just leave it at that.
Don’t make an ass out of you and me. Or “him” I guess. Although, you didn’t say that you “assuhim’d” so I guess that’s not it either. Let’s just carry on as if this paragraph didn’t happen, shall we?
My main point here is, did you observe any girlfriend/boyfriend behavior? Or are you just assuming, “Man, Woman, House, Got it!” From what you’re telling me, I wouldn’t be so sure.
MY BIG QUESTION — DID MYSTERY WOMAN HAVE DINNER WITH YOU?
Why do I ask? Well, who invites someone upon whom they plan to leap to dinner and then springs ANYONE on them? Girlfriend, roommate, or itinerant hobo they found on the way home? (Obviously, that was a trick question — ALL hobos are itinerant. Though not all itinerants are hobos. Discuss.) Such ambush folken would likely get in the way of any potential making out, no?
So if he invited you to have dinner, and were joined by a third party, you can bet that he did NOT invite you to “dinner.” He, in fact, invited you merely to dinner. If you know what I mean. (Sex, if you do not know what I mean.) The only exception I can possibly imagine would be that if he felt that YOU would be more comfortable with such a “chaperone.” But that is so anti-getting lucky that it strains even MY overactive imagination.
Good luck, Susan. I’m sure this has all worked itself out by now. But I think the issue is, if the 3 of you had dinner together on your FIRST such dinner, it seems like a clue that he wasn’t looking for any action with you. If she didn’t have dinner with you, I’d stop making such an ass-ume of yourself!
What’s happening here, ladies? Why did this guy spring the ol’ 3rd wheel here?
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