If your friend has broken up with her boyfriend, do you think it is acceptable for you to date her ex? If we have a close knit group of girlfriends, we always like to think that friendship comes first and boyfriends and even exs of our friends are off-limits.
Somehow, it doesn’t feel right to date a friend’s ex when you know she has been hurt following the split. It is like rubbing salt into the wound, especially if she is still bitter over the whole affair. Furthermore, if she thinks the ex is a jerk and he is not worth it, the fact that you are now dating him would mean that you are not paying heed to her advice and what she has to say as a friend.
But if the relationship has already ended, what wrong have you commmitted by going out with a friend’s ex? If you started the relationship before they actually broke up, then it certainly looks a little unethical. But if they have already gone their separate ways, there isn’t really anything wrong that I can see, except perhaps you have put a friendship at risk by being insensitive to her feelings.
Perhaps the way to go is to tell her of your feelings for her ex before you actually begin the relationship. Thay way, there is nothing to hide and even if she disagrees to the relationship, she is in the know of what you are up to. Although I know people tend to hide the fact that they are going out with a friend’s ex to avoid awkwardness or the thought of losing the friendship, personally I would prefer honesty and frankness from my friend if it happens to me. Otherwise, I would be even more suspicious and bitter if they are dating behind my back, only to find it out later from someone else.
So, the bottomline is I don’t think there is really anything wrong ethically if you choose to date a friend’s ex, provided you are honest with her upfront. But personally, if you ask me to choose between friendship and love, I’ll probably pick friendship, especially if she is someone that I have known for years. The reason being, if she has her opinion on why the man is a jerk, it’s probably wise for me to believe her if she is a friend whom I can trust.
Friendship or love – your call?
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