Flags are totally red and bright! Friend of mine met a man at a club., He told her he just broke up the previous week with his girlfriend..my friend had also been at this club the week before when he was breaking up with the girlfriend and he claimed he had spotted my friend that same night…so, already a suspicious situation. My friend and he exchanged numbers and he immediately bought her a gift of boots for her birthday the next day. He also gave her a family piece of jewellery. Within one week, they were exclusive…Within 2.5 weeks, they were engaged, then married at City Hall within 5 weeks. We her friends were stunned. When she announced the engagement, we politely voiced our concerns, especially about protecting her assets…and getting a prenup. .She owned a home and also has 4 children ranging in age from about 17 to 25.
She ignored our advice. This guy owns nothing; has no family here, and his job is not that lucrative…He is much younger (though, that alone would be no problem), He has already suggested (first week into their relationship) that they go into a business together, sell her house and buy one together (we suspect all or most of the money for the home would be her`s).
Her children are extremely upset. This man has taken NO time to get to know the children. Our friend has basically chosen this man over her kids and just before Christmas even!!!. The kids are living with their natural dad (the son just moved out because of the marriage, her three girls were already back and forth, and her relationship was already rocky, but improving with them before she met this man).
Our friend claims she totally trusts this man. He speaks broken English and we are not sure how long he as been here in Canada – he is from somewhere in the Middle East..lol..we are still not sure where.
We feel so upset for our friend`s children…and are worried what the intentions are of this man…he is either up to no good, or just very desperate and possibly very possessive. Our friend`s last marriage was with a possessive man…she seems to be repeating past mistakes, and is very desperate to settle down with one man, irregardless of the damage to her relationships with all her kids.
As friends, what can we do at this point?
Nothing.
Your friend has deluded herself into what has all the appearances of a classic swindle. I would not be surprised if your friend loses everything in the not-too-distant future, not to mention potentially being saddled with a large amount of “marital” debt by the time this guy takes off. Even if you were to uncover solid evidence that this guy is just out to take her to the cleaners, it’s unlikely she’d believe it and may end up resenting you for pushing the issue; if he gets wind of it, he will likely try to isolate her from you.
The best you can hope for is to remain supportive; raise concerns as the situation worsens, but don’t push it when she continues in denial; and be ready to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart.
Good luck. You and your friend are going to need it…
I think you are both simply infatuated. I will like to see what you think after 6 months when you wake up from the state of infatuation and realise that yes, there are most likely many things wrong in your compatibility. I hope for your sake this works out with you guys however, with what you are doing you are leaving very little to look forward for a lifetime together. i wonder whether because you are 32 you feel you just need to commit to someone as soon as possible because otherwise you might be too old to have children or something. How have your previous relationships been?. How well do you know his mood swings?. Do you really know what makes him mad or really happy?. I don’t know, i married a guy at 31 as i felt he was good for me and that we could make it. I felt i was getting old and i should be ready to commit. It turned out to be the worst decision i ever made in my life, even after 2 years i did not really know who he was until i actually made that comittment and he felt sure of himself. He changed more than i could have imagined or really i just did not want to see that there were warnings signs of what he could really be like. be careful of what you are seeing now, try and slow it down if you feel you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy then why rush so much.
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