The Time I Thought I Was Being Proposed To But It Turns Out My Boyfriend Was Just Taking Ecstasy


Alright, this story starts out as romantic, it’s the type of scenario that happens to girls who have serious relationships with serious men who have real jobs.
It’s the engagement story of sweet girls who proclaim their love for their 'Boo' on Facebook.
(Side-note: I hate literally ANYONE who has ever called their boyfriend ‘Boo’)

Unfortunately for all involved this story was happening to me so it ended in calamity – How so, You ask? It ended with my boyfriend taking ecstasy at Disneyland*
*Maybe.
It all started with a romantic day out at Disneyland, we rode the rides I deemed non-scary (Read: Everything but tower of terror, fuck that shit). He bought me Minnie Mouse ears that I refused to take off until bed that night and I was totally loving life…

Then something weird happened…

He had something in his hand, something he was hiding from me, it was small and fit in the palm of his hand. Hmm what fits in the palm of your hand? An engagement ring, an engagement ring totally fits in the palm of your hand.
I was getting engaged at Disneyland! Me, the girl who writes a blog on how spectacularly terrible her love life was was doing the most romantically normal  thing ever.

I WAS GETTING ENGAGED AT DISNEYLAND

THIS IS SO FUCKING ROMANTIC, I WAS GOING TO CHANGE MY BLOG TITLE TO WHO NEEDS HAPPILY EVER AFTER – ME THAT’S WHO! BECAUSE I’M GETTING MARRIED BITCHES.

We had only been dating like two months, but whatever, I definitely liked him enough to accept his proposal in public then back the fuck up in private. This was happening, 100% definitely happening, I was going to leave Disneyland and change my Facebook relationship status to engaged.

I was so excited that I didn't even stop to consider that it considering his job and the amount of time we had been together the ring he bought me would either be made of tin OR bought for someone else and only being given to me because it seemed pointless to waste an engagement ring.*

*This was actually a possibility because he had just got out of a long term relationship because he didn't want to be tied down**

**Yes, I do now see that the chances of a man who just got out of a relationship because he was desperate to not be in a committed relationship proposing to me after 2 months is almost impossible – but come on guys, love at first site and all that crap.

I began planning our matching Disney tattoos that we were TOTALLY going to get (because that’s the type of thing that people who get engaged at Disney do) when suddenly my fiance became sketchy - he darted his eyes from side to side as he transferred my engagement ring from palm to sweaty palm.

The day wore on and no engagement ring appeared on my finger, but my Boo
(Side note: I was totally allowed to call him that because we were getting engaged at Disney so we were now THOSE TYPE OF PEOPLE)
(Side note Number 2: I am aware that I have repeatedly used the work Beau in my writing, there is a massive  difference between Beau and Boo alright, so calm down).
Anyway, my Boo started acting strangely, he starting bounding around and his pupils dilated to an insane degree.
Because you know what else fits in the palm of your hand?

Ecstasy, ecstasy definitely fits in the palm of your hand.

Now I don’t have proof that he took anything, but suddenly he seemed to enjoy Space Mountain a lot more than normal, he drunk about a gallon of water and he almost told me he loved me – he said ‘I love… that about you’.

Watching someone else take E around a bunch of spoiled children is boring as shit, so I have to list this as my second to worse date (the first being the guy who tied his trousers up with a piece of rope) the saddest thing is that I never got a engaged... actually that's not all that sad... the saddest thing is that I didn't get an engagement ring.

Because Who Needs Happily Ever After when you can almost get engaged.

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