Why Is My Mature Friend Emotionally Unavailable?

 


Q: My mature partner of four years has major issues being emotionally unavailable. We’ve discussed it but he claims “he just doesn’t feel love and emotion” like other people do. How do I deal with this love-less relationship? I’m finding it extremely difficult to cope.

-Megan R.

A: Hi Megan,

This is a difficult situation if you’re the type of person who needs to hear and feel love, caring and affection from your partner. There are few things more frustrating in a relationship than having an emotionally unavailable partner.

An emotionally unavailable senior person erects emotional walls between themselves and others to avoid closeness and intimacy. There are many possible causes of this emotional type of distancing. Among them are apathy and post traumatic stress disorder.

Since this is typically a psychological issue, counseling is usually required to break through and create change. In some cases, medication is also necessary. If your partner isn’t willing to seek help, research suggests that it’s most likely to continue. The reality is that love alone isn’t enough to create a happy and fulfilling relationship, Megan. If you’re really finding this extremely difficult to cope with after four years, I can only imagine how you’ll feel in the coming years ahead. In my opinion, your older partner needs help if you want to resolve this issue and find happiness together.

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Q: I'm 19 years old and my husband is 22. We’ve been married for two years. It's been a rocky marriage because he likes to play video games all day long. I’ve talked to him about wanting to watch a movie with me or order takeout and cuddle on the couch, but he ignores me. He used to be the sweetest guy when we first got married, but when I got pregnant everything went downhill. How can I get him to be more romantic?

-Kristina A.

A: Hi Kristina,

I’m sorry to read about the distance between your husband and yourself. However, I’m happy that you’re reaching out for help. That fact that you recognize potential trouble and will take action increases the potential of you resolving this issue. Simply ignoring issues like this never helps them get better or go away. In my opinion, you may need some outside help for this one, because you’re both very young and have a child to consider.

Your husband’s behavior may be a result of immaturity, or it may be that he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed and shutting down a bit in order to cope. Since there’s a child involved, please make an appointment with a therapist or speak with someone from your place of worship about this. This problem is fairly typical for young families and relatively easy to work through, if you both value your relationship and want to stay together. Strengthening your marriage will create a stable family and healthy environment for your child


Q: My husband passed away last December. I still miss him, but I would like to start living my life again. I've been looking at single sites, but all the men seem to just want sex – and I'm not ready for that yet. Where can I meet people who are interested in getting to know a person slowly?

-Lora P.

A: Hi Lora,

First, let me offer you my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear husband. Having lost my wife a few years back, I know how deeply this cuts and how difficult it is to move forward. But I am very pleased that you’re interested in moving on, and I am confident that your late husband would want nothing less for you than to find true love, companionship and real happiness again. This leads us to your dilemma regarding where to meet considerate and decent men who will be sensitive to your situation, respect your loss and honor your desire to move slowly.

The truth is that there are a variety of places where you can explore new relationships, but there is no guarantee you won’t run into one of those wolves on the prowl for wounded and vulnerable souls. In situations like yours, however, I always tend to think of networking with friends and loved ones first. After all, these significant people in your life already love you, know you well and want the best for you. They also know their friends and co-workers well enough to help minimize matching errors and keep the wolves at bay. Of course, there is always your local place of worship, book clubs and volunteering centers to name just a few other options. With that said, let me also invite our readers to leave some suggestions, as I’m sure many of them have been or are currently in your situation. I honestly believe there are kind and good men out there, Lora, and I’m confident, if you take your time, you will find one.

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