In my
last two posts, I told you about a harmful way of looking at the world
that many dating coaches embed in their dating advice.
I’ve already told you what the
belief is and how to recognize it. Now I’m going to show you how to escape it
and start getting more sex and enjoying happier relationships.
In case you need refreshing, the
false dichotomy can be summed up like this: Guys are being bombarded with a
false choice between becoming a semi-misogynistic player who has an abundant
sex life or a sexless loser who makes smart decisions. I’ll show you that there
is an alternative to those choices that lets you enjoy an abundant dating life
without the being a player with a messed up life.
A New Hope (For Guys’ Dating
Options)
Here is something that has worked
really well for me and the guys here at DateMasters…
Date
as many women you want until you find one that matches what you
want in an exclusive girlfriend, who is into you and wants to be your
girlfriend.
Some guys say in response, “How
do you handle all the issues that come up with dating multiple women?”
My response: what issues?
Seriously.
Those
are issues that come up when a player is dating multiple
women.
A
col guy with self-respect knows that those “issues” all go away whenever you
learn to be assertive and honest in
your relations with women.
That
also means you don’t set false expectations when you are DATING a woman
who is not your
exclusive girlfriend.
It
also means that you are not dating other women
when you’ve decided to be exclusive with the really wonderful woman
who you allow to
be your girlfriend.
Most players create lives full of
drama.
Read that carefully.
Drama
is something that people must create or allow into their
lives. The happiest couples we know have really incredible and exciting lives
with zero drama at all.
We’ve found that a major factor
in creating / allowing drama into guys lives occurs when they set a whole lot
of false expectations with the woman they date.
They they try to lead her in a
direction that she doesn’t want to go and then when she stops following him, he
tries to convince her even more.
In
the book Meet More Women I talk about convincing and
persuading as an ineffective tactic. It isn’t even a moral issue. It just
doesn’t work for guys who want exciting and abundant dating and sex lives
without any drama.
Convincing
and persuading a girl to stay with you, like you, and be with you are all tools
of a player.
It doesn’t matter how much guys convince themselves or frame themselves as ‘not
a player’ – using ‘Game’ and Pick Up Artist techniques (this includes pickup
lines and ‘natural game’) will still bring the negative baggage of being a
player (drama) and for a lot of guys it doesn’t even bring the stereotypical
benefits of being a player (sex).
Players have to chase sex in
order to get it.
Cool guys get it without chasing.
They take no for an answer. They set boundaries and when a girl steps out of
line, they walk away without looking back. Especially if she’s hot.
If you like Irish women, you might also like to visit the following pages ...
Taking No for an Answer and Being
Assertive
Real
men are confident enough to let women leave who want to leave – and they do so
without giving her excuses and without pleading for her to stay. When her
priorities don’t match ours, we simply let go her own way, then get up, get out
and go Meet More Women.
Newsflash: If she wants to stay,
she will stay. If she wants to leave, she will leave. Trying to convince her to
hang around when she’s not interested just acts a signal to her that you don’t
respect yourself. Self-respecting women don’t stay with a guy who doesn’t
respect himself.
A really wonderful woman I dated
for a couple years asked me to be her boyfriend about on about the 9th date.
Me: “Are you asking me to be your
boyfriend?”
Her: “Well… yeah… I mean, that’s
what I want… But… I don’t know if you want the same thing…”
So, now, what would a player do in this
situation?
I’ll tell you, straight from some
of the ‘Game’ manuals or Pickup Artist bootcamps on women out there.
“I really like you but I am the
kind of guy who has a lot of love to give, so I have several girlfriends.”
Or
“You’re a really great girl, and
if we keep seeing each other I think you could be ‘the one’ for me.”
Or
“Let’s not put labels on it or
call ourselves anything. We’re just two people having a good time.”
The
hallmark of the player will be trying to convince her to stay.
So what did I do?
Jack:
“I can’t
be your boyfriend.”
Her: “But you’re not married? Or
you don’t have a girlfriend or anything?”
Me: “That’s right. I just can’t
be your boyfriend.”
Her: “Are you dating other
people?”
Jack: “That’s private.”
Her: “So what if I were out
seeing another guy on dates like we do?”
Jack: “That’s none of my
business.”
Her: “Well, I only want to be
with you anyways. So then this is all just fun and games until you find someone
else?”
Jack: “Yes. If that’s not what
you want, I understand.” (I mentally ready for this to be our last
conversation.)
Her: (She thought for a moment
and then brightened up) “Then I’ll just have to be more fun than all the other
girls!”
Then she thanked me for being
honest with her and gave me a kiss and we continued having a great time seeing
each other.
You must be willing to walk away.
Not as a tactic. But as part of who you are.
Stepping Outside the False
Dichotomy and Choosing Your Own Path
Did you ever read a choose your
own adventure story when you were a kid?
You know, the ones where you
could decide whether to stay with Mandy or investigate the house and depending
on which choice you made, the story would change?
I have some bad news for you…
Despite
the clever presentation, you weren’t actually completely free to choose your
own adventure. The author gave you the choices that the author wanted you to
choose, no matter what. Sorry to burst your bubble.
What does this have to do with
dating and this series of blogs?
You have to realize that the book
is not reality.The choices you have been presented with are not reality. They
are simply ways of looking at the world.
What would you call someone who
believed the choose your own adventure book was actually reality? Psychotic!
It’s simply a story that we can step into and enjoy, or not.
The
dichotomy between being a player vs. being a loser is not real! And yet so many
guys choose to step into the dichotomy without realizing that this dichotomy,
too is just
a story.
Even
the choices I’m presenting you are not reality. They are all ways
of looking at the world. Some ways of looking at the world expand your reality,
some shrink it.
It’s
not reality. And the only way to change your reality is from outside of the
story. You have to step out. Stop choosing to live within a story that
limits you. Find a way of looking at the world that lets you become the man you
want to become while expanding what is possible in your reality, right now.
Here’s are the basic, fundamental
steps to “Third Option” – rejecting the self-destructive lifestyles of player
and loser, while embracing the best within yourself: The Man.
·
First of all, we’ve seen guys get
massive benefits from working on their self-esteem, self-respect and assertiveness skills. We highly recommend the works of Nathaniel Branden
and Manuel J. Smith.
·
Next, we also highly recommend getting
up, getting out and meeting TONS of women. Also, stop
Chasing sex. Resolve the seemingly paradoxical
nature of these two simultaneous tasks here by…
·
Building the steel willpower to
disqualify & dump women who aren’t up to standard. Do so by…
·
Learning to Identify the not-so-subtle-hints and red flags that women
throw out.
·
Recognize that even if it’s
possible to ‘get sex’ (the ultimate goal of the player) from a woman who is,
let’s say, a drama queen, there is always better, more fulfilling, more
satisfying sex with hotter, more amazing women with better attitudes and core
personalities who also bring a whole lot more to the table than their looks for
a holistically overall better life experience.
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