Alice has been eye flirting with Mr. PrettyEyes. A while back, he had a girlfriend, but now she’s not sure. She feels a connection. Could he REALLY be flirting just to stroke his ego? (coughYEScough.) What should she do?
Pretty simple situation…
Guy winks and smiles at me one day, I fall in love with his pretty eyes, so for several months we smile and say the usual walking past one another pleasantries…Finally, I get the guts to talk to him. I ask all the questions (he asks nothing about me…but we do banter about one of my opinions..and he comments about how nice it is to meet me while smiling and staring me down yet again with the pretty eyes.) The fact that he didn’t ask me any questions made me suspect a girlfriend. Aha! Did a little digging, sure enough a long-term girlfriend of 2 years! I backed off for a few weeks and didn’t attempt to make any more conversation, but of course when he smiles at me I just can’t help but smile back. Then I disappeared for a few months and recently came back. I ran into him and he stopped and stood directly in front of me and we both stood there grinning at one another.
Do guys really do such things simply for an ego boost? I feel a connection with him. He knows I like him. I have two options….avoid him or attempt to make small talk with him. To be honest, I dread the moment when he says “my girlfriend” in the conversation. What should I do?
Dear Alice,
Well, in answer to your first question — Do guys really do such things simply for an ego boost — yes. Yes, they do. So do women. Flirting? Absolutely. That’s not even a question. The question is whether or not THIS dude is doing that. Let’s look at the facts. What has he done?
Looked at you. With pretty eyes. Winked.
I hate to be the bearer of questionable news, but that’s not really enough to go on. Obviously, the fact that his eyes are pretty is all about how attracted to him you are. Says nothing about his interest level, one way or another. Well, unless he’s got some kind of an internal volume knob that he uses to turn up the pretty in his eyes when he likes someone. And no, he doesn’t have one of those.
And that wink? Well, he clearly likes a good flirt. But is there more?
CONNECTION? MAYBE
You say that you feel a connection with him. Well, don’t necessarily think that there IS one just because you feel one. I’m not saying that there is or isn’t one. But the fact that you feel it does NOT mean it exists.
No, I swear, it doesn’t. My wife once told me that sometimes women feel something for a man and make a leap that IT must exist. That what they are feeling is OUT THERE somewhere, and if the guy isn’t responding to it, well, he must just not be paying attention.
I call this one the, “How come he doesn’t know we’re in love?” syndrome. Don’t get that syndrome, Alice. Bad syndrome to have, I promise.
SO WHAT TO DO? BITE THAT BULLET
Walk up to him and say, “I know this is pretty forward of me to ask you this, but do you have a girlfriend?”
Problem solved, one way or the other.
Look, you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose here, Alice. If the answer is yes, well, then that’s that. And if he happens to be single, well…you still don’t know whether there’s a connection. But he’s certainly flirty enough that you will likely have a first date. And that’s when you can find out what’s there or not.
I know, I know. I’m asking you to do pretty much the bravest thing there is to do in this world. But I’m telling you — there is just too much stuff you don’t know. And this is the quickest (and most bad assed) way to find out. And again, you don’t have anything to lose. Well, except the fantasy of what MIGHT be happening. But if you can part with that, I’d say go for the real info.
What’s your experience, ladies? Guys flirt with you just for their ego? Excuse me, I think the internet just broke as you all said “YES!” simultaneously.
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