Is the Problem with Him or with Her?


What’s the most important thing to do first when things don’t work out? That’s right, get pop tarts. And the SECOND thing? Establish whose fault it was! And Erica’s wondering how to do it in her situation. Let’s figure it out.
2 years ago i had a child with a man who was just a friend.
Well, that was mighty friendly of you, wasn’t it?
After much turbulance we agreed to give things a shot but unfortunately they didn’t work out,down to his dishonesty mainly.
Yeah, that does tend to put a damper on a relationship, one of the relators being a, you know, lying liar.
We are still in contact and he provides for our child (after much debate).
Coming up this week on Near-Deadbeat Debate. Wow, he really WAS a prince, wasn’t he? How skilled a debater he must have been to come up with his reasoning.
No problem there then!
Yeah. Kinda.
the thing is i don’t understand why he choose not to settle down and make a proper go of things and instead has chosen an older woman with 3 teenage children. he parades their relationship in front of me and doesn’t seem bothered that he has hurt me in the slightest. I’m trying to be the ‘bigger’ person in all this but to be honest i just don’t get it. Does the problem lie with me or is it him?
Dear Erica,
Well, let’s take a look at his actions here and determine exactly what he’s telling us. This guy:
  • Had sex with you, resulting in a child.
  • Was dishonest enough with you that the relationship just didn’t have a chance.
  • Reluctantly agreed to support the child. (The key word there is “reluctantly.”)
  • “Parades” another relationship in front of you. Hopefully in a figurative sense, because if he actually hires a marching band for this, well, I don’t think that’s very nice.
SO, WHOSE FAULT IS IT, ANYWAY?
Here’s my verdict, Erica:
It’s all your fault.
Yes, that’s right. You read that right. You made this situation happen, Erica. Look at all the terrible, horrible things you did:
  • Refused to be with a man who was being dishonest with you all the time. I mean, who do you think you ARE, anyway!
  • Forced him to support his own child. Are you kidding me? How unfair can you BE, Erica!?
Well, if you’re going to do that stuff, how can you expect to keep a dishonest man who doesn’t want to support his own child, and who doesn’t mind hurting your feelings by “parading” his relationship in front of you?
Honestly, Erica, the problem with this relationship really IS you. If you had been willing to be treated a little more like crap, well gosh, this fellow might very well have stayed. But you just had to be difficult with your “standards” and your “not wanting to be lied to” and your “refusal to allow him to be a deadbeat,” didn’t you?
What’s my prescription for the future? Take two “find a better man” and call me in the morning. But don’t really call me in the morning. I like to sleep in.
What say ye, ladies? Whose fault here?
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