Is this a Rebound? Is there a “too soon”?

A Spanish member named Nancy just met someone…6 weeks after he broke up with his ex of 5 years. He seems to be walking the Walk of a Decent Guy, but is it too soon for him? (Oh, there’s a Walk of a Decent Guy. You watch us sometime. It’s really stiff with lots of shoulder tension from worrying about things over which we have no control. Ok, maybe some of that is just my walk.)

Hi Jeff,

I do first want to thank you for writing such a wonderful book. I laughed, I cringed (uh, that was when recognizing that the open/shut case pretty much defined the last 6 mos of ambivalent hell i went through with this other guy), and I really did learn some things. So … why am I writing you now after already partaking in so much of your wisdom?

Oh, Nancy, who could blame you for such greed? I mean, for those of you who haven’t, go ahead and read this puppy, and see if you can resist getting yet another piece o’ the Mac. (Ok, so I know a bunch of you have resisted. Well…what can I say, you’re made of stone.)

A basic question. I met someone recently at a club. We talked, we had a drink together, and it was cool. He told me that he broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years approximately 6 weeks ago. I thought to myself, ok … he is probably looking for some fun. No worries… He gave me his phone number and IM, and then I asked if he wanted mine: yes. He called me the next day, and we’ve spoken each day since we met. We made plans to hang out within this week of meeting.

Following the idea of what he is saying and what he is doing, it seems like he likes me and wants to get to know me better, which is mutual. I get the part about the sex It’s just that … 5 years is such a long time. Is this a rebound? Do Italian guys think in those terms? Or is it just time, meaning – if the person is right, the time is right, even if a long term relationship was recently ended?

Thank you so much for your insight. You are truly brilliant at what you do!

Dear Nancy,

This is a really, really easy one to answer. Well, in general terms, anyway. If you want to know if it’s possible for a man to be with a woman six weeks after ending a 5 year relationship…well, I can’t speak to EXACTLY that — all I did was start dating someone six weeks after ending an EIGHT year relationship. And a few years later, I totally enwifened her.

WHAT ABOUT REBOUND?!

There’s no question that rebound exists. But here’s the thing: this guy’s relationship could have ended any old way. In my case, the relationship part of the relationship was over LONG before we actually broke up. So, you know, it wasn’t as if anybody was still pining away for the other one. Our pining had been riding the pine for a LONG time by the time we split. It was devastating, but not because we weren’t over each other. It was devastating because we WERE over each other, if that makes any sense.

And here’s https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Russian-federation-dating-service.html?page=62 something even weirder…

IN FACT, THE BREAKUP HELPED IN THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP

Yes, even the fact that it was so recent. I wasn’t rebounding, but I was certainly still in recovery from some serious emotional tiredness. So…how does THAT help? Well, Liz and I were able to start out on a very “no games” footing because I just didn’t have it in me to bother with all of that crap. I was in a place where if it was going to require a lot of tapdancing, I’d have rather have just been single and taken a nap.

MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Truth be told, any relationship that involves tapdancing is really not going to be my thing. Not that I don’t appreciate a good timestep, but don’t I look foolish enough in life already? Hey! There was no need to answer “yes” so quickly, ok?

SO…HE’S GOOD TO GO?

Hard to tell at this point. He seems to be doing ok so far from your description. My diagnosis would one of “cautious optimism.” He’s given you no warning signs, which is nice. Just keep your eyes open, and NO GAMES, PLEASE. That will likely have him heading for the hills quicker than anything. Even if you don’t live in France.

Good luck, Nancy!

Do you think there MUST be a rebound period, ladies? Or does that even matter?