Josie brings up an interesting one. Why does a guy flip out when you’re talking with another guy, when HE doesn’t even want to date you? Does he think you’re his property? Well, not exactly, no. But…I don’t know if the real reason’s a TON better, though. Let’s get the full question, and move on.
Here’s a question i’ve been wondering for awhile now. It doesn’t pertain to any specific guy. I’ve been in situations(my friends have too) where i’m dating a guy. Well I don’t know if I would call it dating if it’s just mostly having sex and hanging out. Anyways…and I know they’re not interested in a relationship…just mostly sex. So there’s no commitment in it whatsoever. So why when they see or know that we’re talking/flirting to other guys they get jealous. They don’t like it at all. Is this some ‘you’re our property’ thing? If they obviously don’t want to be with us past the sex thing, then why would they care if we see other guys?
thanks! and i love your website =)
Dear Josie,
I’m not sure that it’s about him “owning” you as property. I mean, some guys are like that, but that’s less likely to be a booty call guy. That’s more of a stalkery, “no one can have you but me” guy, which doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about.
So what is it? Why would an uninterested guy want to keep you all to himself? There’s a couple of factors, I think.
FACTOR ONE: COMPETITION
As a very, VERY broad generalization, dudes like to be better at other dudes at…well…anything. Or at least we like to try with SOME stuff. And if we aren’t better at any other dudes at anything, we try to be the best at NOT being better at that stuff.
It’s like goats smashing their heads together. I’m sure that’s not because goats like the feeling of smashing their heads together. Then again, I saw a goat eat a box of crayons one time, so it seems like their sense of “fun” might be a little different from mine.
The point is that garnering female attention, like anything else, is something with which some guys might keep score. And if he sees you flirting with another dude, well, he’s losing an assload of points right there.
FACTOR TWO: MALE FANTASY TIME
Here’s the thing. A lot of the whole “booty call” dynamic is a fantasy, right? I mean, it’s not much about the reality between the two of you. It’s about having a little dramatic, fun fling that lets him live out a fantasy for a little while, but without having to be held responsible for the reality of it, ok?
Well, the fantasy world involves you being nuts about him. You surrendering to him, and him alone. This isn’t even just with guys you’re actually WITH. Lots of times, guys get annoyed when ANY woman is paying attention to ANY man but him. It’s kind of a moment where somebody thinks, “What are you doing? Who are you talking to? I’m THE guy, ok?” Cuz in his head, he is.
Stupid, yes. Annoying? Possibly. But relatively harmless, I guess. I mean…if you’re not interested in HIM, why do you care, right?
Good luck, Josie! Thanks for the question.
Ever seen this one, ladies? Why do you think they’re getting all jealous?
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