So, at the return of an old boyfriend, we start in, like, ninth gear. She asks for a bit of a slowdown, and he stops entirely. What’s up with that? I think I have an idea, but let’s get some more info.
Basic facts…An old bf came back into my life recently. We talked about getting back together possibly marriage. I told him that he needed to take things a little slower. The next day, he tells me that he’s thought about things and he’s not ready for a dating..why would things have gone from slow to stop overnight?
Dear TEM,
First of all, I love that you signed your name in all caps. Makes me feel like you’re yelling it, which is fun. Unless…maybe it’s a monogram, in which case, I shall type this with my pinky raised, madam.
Ok, so why did things go from slow to stop overnight? Well…they didn’t. They went from FAST to stop overnight. Big, big difference.
FROM MACH 3 TO A DEAD STOP, EXPLAINED
When a guy comes at you, all guns blazing, and then at the suggestion that, “Erm…how about we ease back on the throttle, there, Maverick?” he goes all “Talk to me, Goose,” on you, it’s likely because his interest wasn’t as much in YOU as it was in what being with you would mean for him NOW, NOW, NOW.
What do I mean? Well, here’s my guess. He contacted you when he had been super lonely. Either he had just gotten out of a relationship, or he hadn’t had one in a long, long time and was feeling antsy. It’s kind of like the least fun game that any child has ever been made to play…
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MUSICAL CHAIRS
You know the game — where children learn to pick off the slow and the weak? Sure, lots of fun. Good lesson, good lesson.
Anyway, that’s what it sounds like he was playing, and of course you didn’t think of it like that. So it was like:
HIM: Come onnn, COME ON!!! Let’s grab this chair! NOW! It’s right there!!!!
YOU: Well, er, how’s about we look around a little? You know, ease into it once we know we want the chair, you know?
HIM: Ah, screw it. This isn’t working out!
See what I mean? Seems weird to you because, well, you weren’t playing musical chairs.
If it makes you feel any better, it’s a damn good thing you didn’t go along at his crazy speed. Cuz you’d have ended up stuck with a chair that, frankly, wasn’t very structurally sound to begin with.
Sorry this happened to you, TEM, but I have to say that it was the best outcome here.
What do YOU think makes a man change speeds that fast? Ever had this one happen?
Speed Datign Events in American Cities
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