A man commits this quickly to one woman for only one or more of the following reasons:
1. He has emotional issues. He’s needy, or insecure, or co-dependent, or desperate.
2. He wants to have sex with you — he thinks his rapid commitment will accelerate the physical part of your relationship.
3. He wants to “lock in” the relationship before his “issues” become apparent.
Good rules to follow for this relationship:
1. Don’t live together.
2. Don’t accept a key to his place.
3. Don’t go on vacation together — at least not yet.
The only woman who should ever have a key to a man’s place is his wife. The only time a man should ever live with a female paramour is when he is married to her.
I have a guy friend of mine who met and got engaged to a woman, er, GIRL, all within a month of meeting her; he’s 43, divorced for a year with a 10-yr. old son, is an executive at Microsoft; she’s 22, and does “burlesque” for some local burlesque troupe (A “B” team, NOT one of the top troupes) – she is now sporting a 3.5 carat rock, and they are inseparable . . . NONE of our mutual friends know her; and all of us have two words to say: PRE. NUP. Yeah, we’re just waiting for the crash. I know he likes being married; his ex pulled the rug out from him rather abruptly less than 2 years ago; I just worry that she’s gonna screw him for everything and then some . . . Ugh. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
My husband and I got married 5 months after meeting each other in person for the first time. At the time I would have told you it was because we were SO! IN! LOVE! And I just knew he was the one. Nearly 5 years later and we are going strong and better than ever, but that’s only because we have done so much fucking work separately and together. But looking back on it, it’s ridiculous and we were so dumb. It’s embarrassing, really. We were drawn together like iron shavings to a magnet but it’s because we were both so sick and had some pretty serious problems. But reading the OP’s descriptions and justifications sounds just like me circa 2007. Except I didn’t play the exclusivity card for sex.
Slow down. What do you really have to lose?
Not much to be said that hasn’t been said, but this was so much like so many of those advice-column letters…”I’m dating this guy and it’s GREAT, but there’s just this one little problem…” And then it turns out the little problem is actually a big dealbreaker.
I do think that above 30, the idea of quick courtship is a lot easier to swallow. But I think this whole thing just started too fast.
Ya know, to me it does seem to be moving a bit fast, but I don’t really think that’s necessarily a giant red flag. I’ve seen it work first hand: people meet, it’s love at first sight, they’re engaged 2 months later and, fast forward 40 years are still in love and happy. Is it realistic and should you aim for that? Hell no. Is it possible? Sure.
However, I think there is a BIG problem that you’re writing to ask about this. If you were comfortable and confident in the situation, I don’t think you would have written this question to Moxie. Because you had to ask, it seems to me that YOU think something is off and YOU think there is something to worry about. Maybe you’re nervous because you’re scared and have had bad experiences. Or maybe you’re nervous because there really is something off here. I think you should figure out why you’re apprehensive first and then decide what to do afterwards :)
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