As many of you know, I’m reading “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” and running Virtual Book Club (come join us)! In the current chapter, the author relays a situation where a woman “dismissed” a potential suitor because he didn’t reply to her email within her desired time frame. She had to wait – get this – twelve hours. In that twelve hours, the guy had attended his son’s graduation and after-dinner party, but this response time was still “unacceptable” to her. To me, he dodged a bullet.
This reminds me of the Psycho I dated for one week last year. One of the “warning” signs was the unnecessary follow-up texts. It went like this.
Him: “Hi there, how was your day?”
Me: (no response, because I’m in a three hour training session).
Him: “I see. Are you busy?”
Me: (still not responding, phone not even turned on).
Him: “What, are you mad at me? What gives?”
This entire transaction took place within 30 minutes. Thirty-minutes. 3-0.
Where am I going with this? Well, I’m going to throw out (and then duck) that we (mankind, not judging men/women here) have set up these ridiculously unrealistic expectations on response time from our mates. And really, I only say “mates” here, because if your BFF texts you, and you don’t respond for 3 hours, you generally wouldn’t be too concerned. There’s something about dating that forces us to channel our anticipation (and by default, insecurity) into technological means. And somewhere along the way, as in the examples above, we seem to have lost sight of something; we are all still living way beyond our phones and internet.
I’m not a saint; I, too, have fallen victim to this peril. I assure you, I’m far more of a Luddite than most people I know, and yet I’ve done it – translated a delayed response into a beacon for the Apocalypse. But when you sit down, and think about it logically, it’s really just kinda silly. For example: I have a crappy cell service. I work in a cement basement: no service. I don’t get a cell signal in my house unless I stand on one foot, in the dining room, when the moon is full and the Year is Rabbit. I’m not ignoring anyone – I’m just living with the reality of my situation.
Even if I did have perfect service, isn’t it reasonable to expect that people are not attached to their phones on a minute-by-minute basis? I won’t get started here on the etiquette of dinner with friends who spend the majority texting, and I’m certainly not saying there aren’t reasons why this might be perfectly legitimate. But when it comes to a “dating” situation, aren’t we setting ourselves up for failure by expecting immediate, all-consuming attention via technological means? Is this not a giant flag of insecurity from which we should run far and fast? Am I living in the dark ages?
I don’t know the answer, but I do know enough about interpersonal communication to state that a text is not the same as an in person conversation, and yet we’ve gone ahead and treated it like such. I welcome all thoughts, and I’m ready to take my old-fogey credence if that’s what’s desired.
Bring It.
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