So….I have de-cluttered my life on the man front. I’m not going to agree to meet anyone else from the dating site (for now) and I’m going to give CF (casual fling) a chance to be more than just that. Don’t get me wrong….he didn’t exactly sweep in on a white horse but I hadn’t been hanging around like a damsel either. But now I am sat here bored wondering how you initiate the change in a casual arrangement when the other person clearly isn’t sure how to go about it either. It’s Saturday, I have no plans for my weekend….the possibilities are endless! But by 11am I am flummoxed and thinking the possibilities have ended.
Maybe this is an important lesson, I didn’t think Craigslist men ruled my world or filled my every minute because maybe there were so many suspects buzzing around in bits I couldn’t see what they amounted to cumulatively. So….Roomy is working. L is working. J is working (why do my mates have to have jobs that take up Saturdays?!) Mrs T and F are at balloon filled childrens parties. The weather is crap, I’ve had my run….I guess it’s a lone shopping day for me then!
I pile in the door with bags of gorgeous clothes that I can’t afford about 6 o'clock to find Roomy tucking into a bottle of wine and very pleased to see me as it seems every sole in her phonebook has also gone AWOL and she’s been having pangs about her ex-boyfriend. She admits he stayed over when I was out the other night and she’s not sure what it’s all about. Ooooh dear, well I definitely owe her a listening ear but my phone interrupts, OMG it’s the handsome giant! His deep voice reduces me to a fit of giggles and I’m blatantly swaying all over the place like a love struck teenager and playing with my hair while Roomy looks at me in mock disgust at my pathetic transformation.
Sunday lunch he said, what harm can that possibly be??? Roomy is looking at me with her ‘you can’t fool me face’. I know nothing is going to come of it. In fact, I sort of have this feeling he’s actually seeing someone else but he hasn’t told me and I haven’t asked. I know that sounds like I’m relinquishing responsibility to the sisterhood but surely it’s his call to tell me? Roomy is still looking at me and now it’s in a ‘don’t ask me to absolve you’ kind of way. And then she asks me what happened to my plan to clear the decks and make way for an opportunity with casual fling. Good question, but I feel a little lost. Casual fling is obviously still thinking about what I said last week and he hasn’t acted on it….so the resolution doesn’t have to start just yet ;)
Sunday lunch was good. Real good. The handsome giant has this way of making you feel like you’re the only woman in the world. We went out for a drive around the pretty villages near him and stopped for a roast at a lovely pub. We were there for hours chatting and laughing. I think if anyone from Craigslist had seen us they’d have thought he was utterly besotted with me. But I know he’s not, he’s just utterly besotted with any woman who happens to be in front of him at the time. I returned home from Sunday lunch on Monday morning. I wasn’t looking great when I turned up at work! I have to say I made the most of it, it’s not just about sex either but affection too. He’s very tactile and I haven’t really allowed anyone to get close to me in a long time. I could with him, because I knew I wouldn’t see him again. I knew that when I kissed him goodbye on Monday morning I could savour every moment of the previous night and not worry about getting attached because there wouldn’t ever be a next time.
I was right, he called me the following week to say he thought a lot of me but he had also been seeing another girl. Although it wasn’t anything official he knew it had got to the stage where he had to make a choice and he said he couldn’t give her up. I told him to go with it and that was great. I actually know in my heart he was being genuine and not economical with the truth for a change. I felt a bit sad, but also glad to have had a few snatched moments with someone so dynamic. I think it’s meant to be like this and Mr & Mrs T still don’t know I went against their recommendations….I feel bad but they just don’t need to know.
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