You’re not even wondering what I did next because you just know I text back immediately. I can hear you shouting at me but I want him to want me. To justify doublelist things in my own tiny little mind I’m elaborating the meaning of his text to also include remorse for him being an idiot, the desperate want to work things out and missing me like crazy. In hindsight I don’t actually think he’s complex enough to fit all those things between the lines but it made me feel better. Within seconds I’m back to square one dreaming about a new life in the sunshine.
It quickly becomes apparent to everyone around doublelist where my head is at again and they’re not least concerned about the size of my international phone bill. I catch Roomy at the worst possible time one night that week – when she’s been at the pub since leaving work. I get a proper dressing down for being a weak idiot in her usual style; few but very cutting words! She says I’m taking the bait he dangles when his ridiculous ego realises I might not be hanging from his coat tails any more. It hurts, but she’s right. My old doublelist neighbour is a very well respected psycho analyst and she says he is keeping me at a certain emotional proximity. Too close and he panics, too far away and he pulls me back in. It’s all very messed up and unlikely to lead to happiness.
Roomy says I should distract myself, it’s the only way. She said to get back on the doublelist dating site straight away. Then she changed her mind and said the results wouldn’t be immediate enough and that I should make it my business to pull tonight. At that point Roomy’s good mate Mick walks in. Perfect. I have known him as Roomy’s friend for about ten years but didn’t actually notice what a good looking man he’d become until now. He has a beautiful smile, is always bright eyed and bushy tailed and is a lot of fun. As we all meet and greet in the pub Roomy see’s my thoughts flash across my beady little eyes…and takes me to one side in a very un-subtle way. She says not to ‘even think about it’ because he’s like a brother to her. What?? And if even if he was her real brother what’s the big deal? People’s siblings get it together with their friends all the time. In fact it’s a pretty common way of meeting people.
When I get home Roomy is soundo so luckily I don’t get an earful. She doesn’t ask anything the next day either but it’s pretty obvious she’s in a strop with me. It’s ridiculous and I haven’t done anything wrong so I’m not going to waste my breath trying to sort it out. These things always blow over between us, we may be best doublelist mates but we’ve always disagreed on a regular basis!
At the weekend we have our neighbours (who have become our mates) over for a long Sunday lunch. It’s always boozy and they think it’s hilarious hearing about all the escapades and drama’s of the party flat downstairs. At one point we’re all sat at the table (pretty well oiled by nice wine from Dr C upstairs) and while everyone else is in conversation I start ruminating about the weeks doublelist events. Still pretty flummoxed over why Roomy got the hump about me fancying Mick I suddenly remember something….
‘YOU SLEPT WITH MY BROTHER!’ I shout at her while standing up and pointing like a woman possessed. ‘YOU’VE GOT THE CHEEK TO GIVE ME STICK ABOUT MICK AND YOU SLEPT WITH MY BROTHER 2 YEARS AGO…...AT MY PARENTS PARTY’. The others are sat there staring, covering their mouths half in hilarity and half in shock.
For once, Roomy sits there speechless and with her mouth gaping. Dr C then intervenes; ‘Come on girls, what’s this all about?’. And we explain ourselves like school children. Well, he does cook for us on a pretty regular basis and is always there for medical advice, a shoulder to cry and to feed our cat.
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