I’ve been in this position twice and twice there has been a reason for the man to sweep me off my feet. The dust that was created stopped me seeing properly. The first one proposed within three months. He was handsome, charming, successful, energetic, was 45 and had never married. When the dust cleared he was drug dependent and had roped me into his shady, debt ridden life. I was 39 and we were trying for a California baby. The empty promises, the lies all made a very sad mess of my life for some time to come. A liar had robbed me of my future. I thought always to beware of men in such a rush…
I finished with him, I miss his love? the attention, even though he became derisory of me, giving me gifts he thought worthless. Every little luxury he gave me seemed more demeaning than the last. It transpired he was still with his girlfriend of 8 yeaers who is 24 years his junior. She was busy with her career for two months hence his rush! Goodness knows what odd things those two combine. I figure she is possibly the female equivalant of a cuckhold.
Take your time, you are growing a pearl not sqeezing a lemon.
We all want to be loved, players know this…
I wanted to throw my story out there with California online dating and the guy who commits too fast. I joined OKC about 6wks ago and met what I thought was my unicorn. Communication right off the bat was super duper intense with about four thousand messages before we even met. The messages started off sweet and he genuinely seemed to be really interested in me, answering differences in our questions, and attempting to get to know each other. I thought that he was just a real sweet guy who had been hurt like me and wanted to be cautious. So I opened myself up to him ignoring all that caution from Moxie about false emotional intimacy.
Soon the contact became constant, around the clock, and sexual. He sent pics, wanted “cyber sex”, sexting, and even sent me a video of himself masturbating and wanted the same in return. Before we even MET….he wanted exclusivity, to mutually take down our dating profiles, announce our “relationship” on facebook, and was telling me he loved me. He was already talking about moving in together…you know, when I felt comfortable.
We met in person finally and it was super intense. All of that emotional intimacy went out the window and it seemed like sex became the focus. I got upset with him wanting to push sexual boundaries right off the bat that I wasn’t comfortable with, and the tensions started.
Next I found photos on his computer of his wedding to another California woman, and honeymoon, a year prior. He had told me he had “almost” been married. I had been downloading and trying to retrieve a file when I found the photos and was upset. When we had announced our “relationship” on FB his family all added me, and he asked me to take down photos of my California ex immediately that were buried in some old album. I did so happily because I could see how that would be upsetting. He had also asked me to stop wearing my old wedding ring on my right hand, which I also did. So, when I found the photos not only was I devastated by what I saw, the fact he hadn’t been fully honest,…but also by the realization that his photos on his dating profile and the ones used to announce our relationship were not just of him in someone’s wedding, but of him in HIS wedding. Ouch.
I confronted him about it and he got rid of them, but it just went downhill from there. We were shopping at Target and some woman he said was a coworker walked past with her shopping cart, shot us a nasty look and said “busted” and kept walking. I started feeling uncomfortable about trusting him and instead of reassurance he just got defensive with me. He started pushing me away and I got angry because I had genuine feelings for him built off of all of this intimacy I thought we had.
I unfriended him on FB after he bailed out on plans to spend time together on his days off. He didn’t even bother to cancel, just didn’t call or text. He finally contacted me late that night and said he’d been playing video games. I didn’t handle things well, but he just refused to work through any of it. It was like “shit got real” and he didn’t want to deal with it. All that talk of love just went out the window, and I became the one with the problem. I was untrusting, I needed to do some soul searching, I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
When all this went down I had this niggling feeling that I needed to look back at the dating sited so I re-enabled my profile. He wasn’t online right away, but then BAM….there he was. Apparently he hadn’t actually deleted his profile either, just disabled it. He was online for days around the clock and then “poof” disabled it again. After talking to the wonderful staff at California OKC, I realized that I had just encountered a scammer. He was probably back online duping the next woman. Love bombing her within mere minutes of ending us. So moral of the story. I’m an idiot. I fell for all that “commitment” stuff, and got someone who had no intention of having a real relationship and who didn’t really “love” me afterall.
I know I am probably going to get picked apart on this one, and that is okay. I just want other woman out there to realize that there are men out there that are really good at pretending to be unicorns to get….I don’t know what…. Sex, I guess. Don’t be like me and give away the farm when a man dangles that “commitment” carrot, thinking you are something special……until he proves that to you. And that takes time…….Maybe this California guy really wanted a relationship and just doesn’t have the tool kit to actually keep one together. Or maybe he was just a no good liar who never had good intentions to start with. But either way he’s F&(*d up….def f’d up.
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